


Her heart clenches just so

by BPistherevolution



Category: BLACKPINK
Genre: Angst, College, College AU, F/F, got a happy ending tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-14 15:44:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15392061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BPistherevolution/pseuds/BPistherevolution
Summary: Lisa is smart and slightly odd and very beautiful and Chaeyoung thinks that she, as cliché as it gets, is imperfectly perfect.





	1. Oh Wonder

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a mini drabble but ended up as a 3k fic, oops. I hope you're doing grand today.  
> This is my first, show me some love.

Chaeyoung takes pride in her ability to tolerate the heat a lot better than the average person. But it is midsummer and it is scorching hot and the AC broke down and Chaeyoung’s had four mental breakdowns thus far. She takes a shower for the nth time and does not find it in her to worry about how costly the water bill for this month will probably be. 

She lays down on the floor in only her bra and panties and tries to distract herself by thinking about snow and ice and rainy days. It works for all of three minutes before her traitorous mind steers back to the droplets of sweat dripping from her forehead, the buzzing of the fly near her left ear and the incessant barking of her old neighbor’s dog. 

Fuck it, she thinks, before quickly changing into her old swimsuit, throwing some floral dress on top, grabbing her keys off the countertop and taking off.  
The drive over to the local pool was not as bad as she had expected. But as soon as she steps foot into the gate, she’s reminded why she was so reluctant to go the pool on such a hot day in the first place. The pool was overcrowded with obnoxious screaming little children and unconcerned moms that are too busy tanning and occasionally yelling at their respective kids to stop running. 

Chaeyoung likes to think of herself as a pacifist, but she would very much not hesitate to strangle the 8 year old boy with shaggy hair that stomped on her foot and scurried away giggling with his peers. She stops herself from screaming by biting down on her bottom lip so hard it almost draws blood, because frankly, Chaeyoung is tired and it’s been a shitty day already and she just wants to crawl off her own skin. 

She finally settles down on an isolated beach lounger by a corner and starts to pull her dress off. She then sweeps the pool with her eyes and notices that the only area that’s not jam-packed with people is the furthest section. She neatly stacks her flip flops on top of her belongings and heads to the direction of the relatively empty space of the pool. 

Park Chaeyoung is not exceptionally bright like the math genius kid that she had as a classmate in fifth grade, but she did well overall in school. She was studious and most often than not put a lot of effort into whatever she was doing. So Park Chaeyoung is not exceptionally bright but it really did not take a genius to realise that the reason why the lousy kids were nowhere to be seen is because said area is too deep, 3 meters deep to be exact. And Chaeyoung did not learn how to swim even if her life depended on it, which it did now.

It all happened so quickly, Chaeyoung not being able to tolerate the heat any longer, jumped right in what will soon be a deathtrap without a second thought. Everything was suddenly so peaceful, boisterous laughter and chatter muted, and she felt an unusual yet welcome serenity that made her feel content. The sharp tingling pain in her chest after having caught her boyfriend of 7 months and 2 weeks cheating on her in her own bed, no longer hurts and all was left was gentle water caressing and mending her broken heart.

She felt free, she felt content, she felt like she could finally breathe again, until she realised that she couldn’t, quite literally. Fear kicked in, and Chaeyoung moved her legs frantically in a desperate and a futile attempt of keeping her head up. She flailed her arms around to no avail. She gasped for breath as she unwillingly kept swallowing water that tasted heavily of chlorine. No one was paying attention to her, and Chaeyoung felt like crying because the electronic music coming from the nearby speakers was too loud and the people were too loud and no one was paying attention and life seemed to move on without caring the slightest about those who could not keep up. 

Chaeyoung finally stopped moving and closed her eyes, slowly giving in. Her stubborn ass was most probably about to die but still refused to yell for help because god forbid she looked pathetic during her last moments on this miserable earth. Arms engulfed her limp body and it all happened too quickly and really was not as dramatic as movies make it seem to be. A person hovered over her and big hands were checking her pulse. All she could feel then were rough lips exhaling into her own and soon she started spitting water out and she could breathe again. The ever growing crowd that has gathered around her cheered and quickly dispersed and life resumed playing.

She stood up hastily and a wave of dizziness rushed to her. A chubby middle aged man with a hunky moustache and kind eyes helped steady her. She soon realised that she was looking at the man who just saved her life and performed CPR on her. She thanked him over and over again not quite meeting his eyes because her ungrateful ass kept avoiding looking at his chapped lips that she just had a makeout session with. 

After making sure she was okay, the man took off and Chaeyoung hurried in the direction of where she kept her belongings. She felt a hand lightly grasp her wrist. Chaeyoung turned around with a questioning look to find the person that she least expected. Lisa Manoban, a senior in college that Chaeyoung has crushed on since her freshman year, was smiling up at her apologetically. Chaeyoung was simultaneously confused and a little attracted to the way the swimsuit clung in all the perfect ways to the skinny girl’s body. 

Lisa cleared her throat and Chaeyoung realised she was staring and averted her eyes quickly to the side. Lisa pointed at her swimsuit. A lifeguard swimsuit.  
“I am really sorry I didn’t come on time. A little kid over there needed help the same time you did. And when I saw that man was already heading your way, I figured he’d take care of you while I rescued the child. And thankfully it worked just fine. Are you okay”?, she asks, her eyes twinkling with something that Chaeyoung can’t figure out. 

“Yes, I am okay. Except for the fact that I just made out with a 50 year old guy, I am doing absolutely wonderful on this fine day”, Chaeyoung answers sarcastically.  
Lisa snickers, then looks at Chaeyoung, really looks at her with something that Chaeyoung again can’t quite decipher. She lifts one arm to her eyes as if to shade the sun and nods her head to the right. “Tell you what, there is an ice cream shop right around the corner that way. I’ll get you a double chocolate sundae to make up for the kiss. Meet me there at 7.”

Chaeyoung thinks she spots a hint of a blush on Lisa’s chubby cheeks before the girl turns around and leaves quickly. The older girl stares at her back dumbfounded not knowing what just happened. How in the world did Lisa know exactly what she liked? Maybe it was just a lucky guess. Chaeyoung snapped out of her mini daze and beelined towards her stuff.  
Today’s been awful and Chaeyoung almost died, but at least she scored herself what she hopes is a date with Lisa Manoban. 

 

Chaeyoung smoothes down the non-existent wrinkles on her floral dress for the 100th time. She checks the time on her wrist watch. 7:05. Good. Not too early and not too late. Just the right amount to show that she’s interested but also not too desperate. She finally pushes open the door and the door bells chime. She looks around. It’s a cute indie ice cream shop with soft music playing in the background. It suits Lisa, she thinks. 

As if on cue, the younger girl spots her and gets up to meet her halfway. She’s looking unconditionally flawless with her high waisted jeans and crop top and Chaeyoung has to physically stop herself from staring for too long.

After they’re seated and Chaeyoung gets her beloved double chocolate sundae (Lisa gets two strawberry scoops and a lemonade and adds a ridiculous amount of sugar), she finally asks: “how did you know I liked the double chocolate sundae?”.  
Lisa grins at her, “just a guess.” Chaeyoung hums thoughtfully.  
“I am kidding, I always see you with Unnie Jisoo and Jennie, who by the way I have no idea why she glares at me all the time, eating it at the park near uni.” She blushes as if she just realised what she had said. “I guess I am a good observer”, she adds embarrassedly.

Chaeyoung finds herself smiling. “Well I did not know the one and only model Lisa Manoban that every girl wants to be and every boy wants to be with stares at me and my friends during her free time”, she teases.

Lisa laughs bright and carefree. “You know, I am not as perfect as everyone thinks I am. The one and only model Lisa Manoban is perfectly average.” She hums to herself then her expression turns serious, “I couldn’t help it. You’re insanely beautiful.”

If Park Chaeyoung thought she escaped death today, well, she was wrong. Because apparently four simple words can give you a heart attack and knock the breath out of you simultaneously. She blushes furiously and quickly changes the subject, “the weather is really hot today.”  
Real smooth.

 

They sit there talking until the sun goes down. Lisa doesn’t drink coffee unless it’s ridiculously sweet. Her favorite book is To kill a Mockingbird and she has a cat named Leo. She’s a terrible cook but still tries new recipes nevertheless. She only likes modelling because she gets to travel and practice new languages. She dances when she’s sad and paints when she misses her mom.  
Lisa is smart and slightly odd and very beautiful and Chaeyoung thinks that she, as cliché as it gets, is imperfectly perfect.  
So when Lisa leans in to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear as Chaeyoung chants in her head kissmekissmekissme, she can’t help but be disappointed when Lisa pulls back and leaves with a soft goodnight and a smile. 

 

They hang out, alot. Lisa takes her to see the sunsets and the sunrises and the stars in between when they lose track of time and it gets too dark. Lisa buys her double chocolate sundaes when her shift ends early and takes her to the movie theater on tuesdays.

When Chaeyoung is feeling particularly ambitious, she would visit Lisa during her lifeguard shift and keep her company. One time, Lisa suggests that she teaches Chaeyoung how to swim to avoid the kissing-a-40-year-old incident in the future that Lisa can’t stop teasing the older girl about. Chaeyoung scoffs and crosses her arms and tells Lisa that it was her fault and pretends she’s getting out of the pool but finds her arms unwillingly reaching for Lisa’s when the latter bats her eyelashes at her. Damn Lisa Manoban and her perfect smile and her kind heart and her stupid jokes that make Chaeyoung laugh when she’s not feeling too good.

Chaeyoung’s back presses against Lisa’s back and the younger girl’s breath is tickling Chaeyoung’s right ear as she tells her how to move her arms. And Chaeyoung is flooded by everything Lisa and can’t think anymore and Lisa had to pull her up 4 times because Chaeyoung can’t fucking think when she’s that close to her. 

Chaeyoung finally gets the hang of it when Lisa excuses herself because she needs to attend to a potential drownee. When she comes back, Lisa tells her she’s proud of her. Chaeyoung thinks the younger girl will finally kiss her when she leans in, so she closes her eyes. 

She feels plump lips kiss her cheek and quickly pull back.

Chaeyoung hates herself for reading too much into this whole thing. Chaeyoung wants Lisa as a lover and Lisa wants her as a best friend. 

 

Chaeyoung tries not to be obvious when she starts to pull back too quickly from hugs and doesn’t let her touch linger for too long. She abstains from letting Lisa cuddle up to her and averts her gaze when Lisa changes into her swimsuit because she feels like she’s invading the younger girl’s privacy. If Lisa notices, she doesn’t let it show.  
Lisa takes Chaeyoung with her to a photoshoot. Lisa poses and looks at the camera with hooded eyes and parted lips and Chaeyoung feels heat pooling down there and has to excuse herself to the bathroom. 

That night, Chaeyoung takes three cold showers. She finally gives in at 2 a.m and lets herself go off to videos on the internet pushing thoughts of blonde hair and plump lips out of her head.

 

Chaeyoung can’t for the life of her figure out why Lisa is a lifeguard when modelling already pays her well. When Lisa tells her it’s because she’s saving up to buy her mom a house back in Thailand, Chaeyoung can’t help but fall in love with her a little bit and hates herself for it. 

 

Chaeyoung gets terrible period pains that last for a week. Lisa answers on the first ring and Chaeyoung hears her rattling car keys before she even finishes her sentence. Lisa brings snacks and makes her tea. She gently puts a heating pad on Chaeyoung’s stomach and plops on the bed next to her flipping between the channels. She nods at some romcom that she found for confirmation from Chaeyoung and the latter finds herself falling in love some more and hates herself for it. 

Chaeyoung falls asleep halfway through the movie, and wakes up a couple of hours later to find Lisa staring at her with the same damn look that Chaeyoung could never decipher. Lisa’s eyes flick down to her lips and Chaeyoung thinks, this is it. The younger girl suddenly shakes her head as if to snap out of a daze, smiles and says: “we should go to sleep”.  
Chaeyoung tells herself it was a good thing Lisa didn’t kiss her because her breath smells bad from sleeping and didn’t want Lisa to have a horrible kissing experience. 

She still feels disappointed.

 

Ever since that night, according to Chaeyoung, things only go downhill. Lisa would do the most mundane of things, like hum to herself when she’s driving, or close her eyes when the tea is too good or bite her lip in concentration when deciding if she should buy a shirt or not, and Chaeyoung would fall in love a little bit more. It’s completely involuntary, completely out of her control, and Chaeyoung does not know if she should like it or hate it. She should hate it because it would save her from the inexorable fate; the inevitable heartbreak. She should like it because she would give anything for Lisa to smile at her like she does now.

If she’s being honest with herself, Lisa can break her, wreck her and Chaeyoung would not mind one bit.

 

Classes start. And Chaeyoung has two presentations, 3 essays and a music exam due next week and she’s freaking the fuck out. Lisa, as usual, is sweet and helpful as ever. She brings Chaeyoung coffee, two sugars and three spoons of almond milk, her favorite, and lemonade for herself despite it getting a bit colder. Lisa takes her on drives with her Jeep when Chaeyoung is feeling particularly stressful.  
Chaeyoung, on the other hand, finds Lisa after her classes with goods that she bakes when she has free time and helps her carry her gym bag. She brings her a scarf and umbrella because Lisa is too stubborn to acknowledge that yes it’s actually getting colder it’s almost december, Lisa. They fall into an easy comfortable routine and Chaeyoung is utterly and completely in love with her in the most mundane way. 

 

Chaeyoung accidentally learns that Lisa is struggling with her classes when Bambam, her friend, mentions it confessing that he’s concerned about the younger girl . Chaeyoung is genuinely surprised because Lisa’s always been on top of her class despite her busy schedule.  
She finally gets it out of Lisa one saturday night when they’re both lying on their backs in Chaeyoung’s apartment.

“My mom and dad are getting a divorce”, she confesses in the darkness.

Chaeyoung reaches for her hand and squeezes it, once, twice. “You should’ve told me Lisa. I am always here for you.”

Chaeyoung sees the ghost of a smile on her lips illuminated by the lamp post outside. 

“ You keep me sane Unnie. You’re my happy place .I don’t want bad things to ruin my happy place.”

Chaeyoung’s heart clenches and unclenches. Oh what she wouldn’t do for the girl next to her to just see her smile again. 

 

Lisa leaves on a trip with her modeling agency to Paris during the winter holidays. She tells Chaeyoung over the phone about the lights and the Louvre and the champagne and the fashion. Lisa tells her that she fell in love with it. Chaeyoung almost blurts out the same exact words changing the “it” to “you”. She doesn’t and Lisa hangs up the phone with a quick “gotta go”.

Right before she calls it a night, Chaeyoung gets a notification and opens Lisa’s snapshot update, a tall hot boy dancing really, really close to Lisa and the latter giggling. Something akin to jealousy bubbles in Chaeyoung’s stomach and she does not like it one bit. Another post notification chimes in and she opens it only to find said hot boy grinding on Lisa. Nononono she’s not yours you don’t have the right to get mad. She repeats it like a mantra but her eyes don’t seem to get the memo and tears start falling down before she knows it.  
Lisa broke her and she’s not sure she doesn’t mind anymore, it hurts too much. 

 

Chaeyoung, the first night, cries herself to sleep.  
The second night, she only gets out of bed to go to the sketchy liquor store around the corner to get two bottles of vodka. She drinks until she falls asleep. 

The night after, Jisoo and Jennie barge into her apartment with pizza. They suggest they all go to a frat party that a boy Jisoo knows was throwing two blocks over and Chaeyoung agrees too quickly. Jisoo and Jennie eye each other, surprised. Chaeyoung’s perfect night usually consists of staying in with pizza and watching a disney movie or two and seldom went to parties to get hammered. So when the younger girl immediately complied, they were sure something was up but knew better than to ask. 

The amount of alcohol that Chaeyoung consumed in the past three hours is most probably unhealthy, but what can a girl with a broken heart do except to drown her sorrow and dance amidst sweaty frat boys. Chaeyoung feels numb and she likes it, alot. So when an attractive girls offers her more shots, she accepts and lets her grind on her. Chaeyoung took dance classes for a while. When a particularly sexy song comes on, she starts swaying her hips in a familiar way that gains the attention of many girls and boys alike who either join her or nod at her appreciatingy. 

She turns her head and suddenly catches Jennie staring at her from across the room with an unreadable expression. 

She pays it no attention and stumbles her way to the bar to get more shots.

She suddenly feels cold fingers wrap around hers. She looks up to find Jennie dragging her along. Chaeyoung looks at her questioningly but the shorter girl is adamant on not meeting her eyes. Jennie pushes through the swaying bodies without letting go of Chaeyoung’s hand and the latter lets herself be dragged.

They reach a booth in a dark corner and Jennie finally looks at her and motions for her to sit down. Chaeyoung, feeling quite dizzy, happily complies.  
Jennie hands her a glass of water which Chaeyoung takes and gulps down feeling cat like eyes on her the whole time from the corner of her eye. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and looks up. Goosebumps erupt on her skin from the intensity of Jennie’s stare. A pleasant warmth erupts in Chaeyoung’s stomach because Jennie is looking at her with such hunger and want and Chaeyoung is both turned on and so, so confused because her best friend of 3 years has never looked at her like this before.

(Or Chaeyoung is just absurdly oblivious.)

Jennie hands her another cup. A warm breath tickles her ear and her insides, “I need you to remember this”, Jennie whispers. Chaeyoung’s heart skips a beat. She takes the water with trembling hands and drinks it.  
She sets it down.  
A beat. Two. Three.  
Warm lips catch hers in a fiery daze. It’s rough and it’s gentle and Chaeyoung’s head is spinning and all she can see and hear and feel is Jennie. Jennie’s perfume, Jennie’s hands, Jennie’s red lips. 

Everything is Jennie. Jennie, Jennie, Jennie and Chaeyoung for the first time in months doesn’t think about Lisa.


	2. And I trip, I trip, I trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lisa's back from real men and apprently she's got bruises from training and I am not okay.  
> Enjoy. Leave me some love, suggestions, whatever you feel like, I am not a picky bitch love u bye

Chaeyoung wakes up with a throbbing headache and a dry throat. She pushes the blanket off her and tries to get up but a wave of dizziness washes over her. She groans and holds her head shutting her eyes tightly. 

As the feelings of dizziness start subsiding, memories of the night before catch up to her. Alcohol. Dancing. Dark eyes. Smeared lips. Jennie. Holy shit, _Jennie_ . Her eyes widen and she looks around her. She’s in her room. Good. She lets out a sigh of relief when she looks down and finds herself dressed in the same clothes with the exception of her converse thrown carelessly at the foot of her bed.

Jennie or Jisoo must have taken her home. Oh Jennie again. Feelings of dread fill her at the thought of having to face the older girl after what happened last night. Come to think of it, she really doesn’t know what exactly happened after the rather heated make out session. If she’s honest with herself, she did enjoy it, probably more than she should. Judging from her clothes, she’s sure they didn’t take it further than than. But still, Jennie’s her best friend after all. Their friendship is worth more than one drunken night shenanigan.

She notices two pills and a water bottle on her bedside table right when she hears footsteps outside her door followed by gentle knocking. After she quickly straightens her clothes and ruffles her tousled hair the best she can, she cracks out a hoarse “come in”. 

The door opens and Jennie peeks through the small crack then pushes the door ajar. She looks absolutely beautiful and Chaeyoung can’t help but admire the way the sunlight coming from the window hits the side of her face. Jennie’s always been beautiful, she thinks fondly. 

Jennie’s holding two coffee cups and a brown paper bag and Chaeyoung’s mouth waters at the sight. Her stomach growls. Jennie laughs, “figured that coffee and doughnuts would make you feel better.” 

She sets the goods down beside the pills and the water bottle and sits at the edge of the bed. Chaeyoung instinctively reaches for the doughnut and starts tearing into it. She can feel Jennie’s eyes boring into the side of her head. Chaeyoung’s chewing is the only sound in the room and it’s getting too awkward and intense for her liking. She swallows thickly.

“So..”, they both say at the same time. They look at each other and grin and suddenly all tension is gone. Chaeyoung gestures for Jennie to go first. Jennie then turns serious and studies Chaeyoung with piercing eyes. 

The younger girl internally groans, what is it with beautiful girls who look at her with expressions she could never read. She never knows what’s going on inside their pretty heads and it’s annoying and it always puts her at a disadvantage. 

Jennie finally clears her throat. “So, I am sure by now you remember what happened last night. We didn’t do more than kiss so don’t worry. I just wanted to clear up one thing though”. She sighs then adds, “I just want you to know that I did make sure you sobered up before we did anything. I didn’t want in anyway to take advantage of you. After, you know, you started crying uncontrollably and Jisoo and I decided to take you home. Jisoo helped me carry you here and then she left and I stayed to make sure you were okay. You cried until you fell asleep.”

Chaeyoung stares at her blankly.

“I slept on the couch so don’t worry about that either”, Jennie adds as an afterthought. 

Chaeyoung looks at her friend and can’t help but feel tenderness and gratitude for her. Jennie might look like a bad bitch to the outsider but she’s actually a big ball of fluff.

“Thank you”, she says simply, genuine and real.

Jennie shrugs her shoulders. “It was the least I could do. And by the way Chaeyoung, I know how you feel about Lisa, so really, don’t try to hide it from me.”

“I am sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to get her out of my head.” 

“It’s okay. To tell you the truth..” Jennie pauses. She licks her lips. “I wasn’t thinking either. Jisoo.. she was being.. rather touchy with someone else. And I- I think I have it bad for her, Chaeyoung,” Jennie murmurs and if Chaeyoung didn’t strain her neck to lean closer she wouldn’t have hear her.

Chaeyoung smiles at her friend sadly.The words, she understands, she knows firsthand how much it hurts, she’s here for her, go unsaid but Jennie hears them nonetheless. Chaeyoung opens her arms, and Jennie crawls in.

They doze off like that, holding each other, Jennie’s intoxicating perfume the last thing on Chaeyoung’s mind. 

* * *

It’s hours later that they wake up. They order take out and binge watch stranger things, Jennie propped against the couch on the floor and Chaeyoung laying with her head on Jennie’s knees. 

It’s nearing the end of the sixth episode when Jennie comes up with the most stupid idea that Chaeyoung’s ever heard in the 22 years that she’s lived on this earth. “What if we pretend we’re getting close to make them jealous, two birds with one stone.”  
Chaeyoung thinks it’s stupid and it’s childish and it’s immature and she wants to say no, she really does. 

But the reckless heart wins over the brain and she finds herself saying yes anyways. 

* * *

Turns out fake dating Jennie is not that hard because Jennie is stunning and chivalrous and romantic and incredibly sweet. Chaeyoung thinks Jisoo is so stupid and that she better see how awesome Jennie is before someone else sweeps her off her feet.

Chaeyoung catches Jisoo frown when Jennie holds Chaeyoung’s hand, and look away when Jennie kisses her cheek and frankly, Chaeyoung half of the time really wants to scream the truth out and slap Jisoo to get her back to her senses. 

* * *

Lisa comes back home the following monday. Chaeyoung’s heart skips a beat when she reads the message the younger girl’s left her:

Meet me at the library. I miss you.

 

Lisa smiles so wide and so bright when she sees her that Chaeyoung feels as if the world has ceased to exist and it’s just her and Lisa and she has nothing, absolutely nothing to worry about.

Lisa talks her ear off about everything she’s seen and heard and touched and Chaeyoung listens attentively and laughs when it seems appropriate and tries her best not to think about a smiling Lisa and a handsome model dancing together. 

Lisa walks her afterwards to her apartment complex and drapes her jacket over her when the latter gets chilly. When they get to the door and Lisa turns to leave, Chaeyoung drops the bomb so casually, _Jennie and I are dating_.

Lisa freezes for a fleeting second, lamp post lights dancing on her sharp features and Chaeyoung thinks that it’s not fair how she looks so beautiful in just a sweatshirt and faded jeans. She thinks she sees a flash of hurt across Lisa’s face but it disappears so quickly and a smile replaces it. _Congratulations_ , she says beaming and Chaeyoung doesn’t know what to reply to that. She never knows with Lisa.

Lisa leaves and Chaeyoung spends the night finishing an assignment that is due only next month just to get her mind off things. 

* * *

Lisa, just like Jisoo, averts her eyes when Chaeyoung and Jennie initiate the slightest physical contact. She distances herself at times and hypes the couple up at other times and Chaeyoung has never been so confused in her life. It’s driving her mad but Jennie is understanding and she listens to her whenever she feels the need to ramble. As of right now, Jennie’s the only one keeping her sane. 

 

* * *

One late afternoon, the butler lets her in Jennie’s penthouse and she catches her and Jisoo kissing in the veranda. She squeals like a kid and hugs the both of them not caring about their playful protests. Turns out that Jisoo finally confessed to Jennie. She knows everything and Chaeyoung’s grateful the older girl agreed to stay quiet about their plan.

 

Later that night, sat in a corner in the jacuzzi while soft music plays from Jennie’s phone, she watches Jisoo on the other side kiss Jennie’s temple and hug her close. She’s happy for them, she really is, but she can’t help but feel a little envy. 

* * *

Lisa disappeared on her for three days now and she’s not responding on her phone and Chaeyoung started to get worried. She roams around campus for a while looking for her until she remembers how  
Lisa once told her that she somehow convinced the library lady to give her the keys to the roof and that she sometimes likes to go there to think.

She takes the back stairs that she knows lead to the roof two at a time. Lisa’s there, a puff of smoke distorting her side profile. Chaeyoung takes a moment to study her, she looks tired, her usually elegant posture is slouchy and now that the smoke has dissipated she can see dark circles around her eyes.

Chaeyoung takes two steps forward. She clears her throat to make her presence known. Lisa turns to her. When she sees who it is, she smiles. She’s holding a blunt between her slender fingers.

“Hey”, her voice is hoarse. 

Chaeyoung steps forward until she’s next to her, their shoulders merely touching. 

“I thought top models weren’t supposed to smoke.”

Lisa snorts. Chaeyoung smiles. 

The sun is shying away, hiding herself behind the mountains. Orange bleeds into crimson red. Pink into violet.  
Lisa sits quietly, watching the sunset, Chaeyoung forgets about the sunset and watches her instead. 

Lisa suddenly turns and catches Chaeyoung staring. Chaeyoung doesn’t look away, she’s oh so tired of hiding and she wants Lisa to know that she  
_wants her, god does she want her so bad_.

“Do you want to try?”, Lisa asks, gesturing to the blunt between her fingers.

“I don’t know how”.

Lisa thinks for a moment. “Lay down”, she orders.

Chaeyoung, confused, complies anyways. Lisa could ask her to die for her and she would not hesitate.

“Close your eyes”.

She does.

She suddenly feels the weight of the younger girl on her. Lisa straddles her. 

“Open your mouth”.

 

Lisa hovers over her. Chaeyoung parts her lips.

Lisa ever so gently brushes her nose against the older girl. She then leans back and takes a long drag off the blunt. 

Chaeyoung’s heart is beating so hard it’ll almost leap out of her chest. The adrenaline rush pumps through her whole body and it’s the most alive she’s been in a while. She clenches and unclenches her fists in anticipation. 

Lisa leans in.  
  
She puts her hands on either side of Chaeyoung's face  
  
After what seems like eternity, she finally, finally, exhales into the space between their lips. 

Chaeyoung inhales the smoke and it’s sweet and it’s intoxicating and Lisa’s perfume is invading her senses and she’s dizzy and she feels on cloud nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written the last scene listening to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHukwv_VX9A&index=30&list=PLOIDIRziuK7zU9U0lfs6SR_cqDw7TGJJp&t=0s  
> I've personally never been high so I hope this is not entirely inaccurate lol


	3. chilly

They stay like that for a while, Lisa breathing into her and she inhaling her. Chaeyoung’s gasping for breath, coughing a little and her lungs are burning but she wouldn’t dare let go. Everytime Lisa tries to lean back, concerned, Chaeyoung pulls her back in.

They only stop when it gets dark and the stars are out. Lisa sits back up and Chaeyoung immediately misses her warmth. She braces herself for the rush of dizziness that is sure to come and hauls herself up next to the younger girl.

 

Lisa throws the end of the blunt into a nearby trash and barely misses. Chaeyoung looks at her dumbly for a second, then out of nowhere, bursts into a fit of giggles that promptly turns into a full-throated laughter, clutching her stomach. She doesn’t know what came over her, but Lisa always looks so pretty under the moonlight and the air is buzzing with warm energy and at that moment, she doesn’t have a single care in this world.

 

Lisa, slightly thrown off at first, soon joins her and they find themselves heaving for breath with how hard they’re laughing.  
When the laughter finally dies down, it gets awfully quiet. Lisa’s expression turns serious and her glossy eyes bore into Chaeyoung’s. Something shifts in the air, and Chaeyoung finds it a little harder to breathe. 

Lisa slowly inches in and Chaeyoung’s breath hitches in her throat, something akin to hope spurring inside her. The younger girl cups her face and Chaeyoung feels blood rushing to her ears. Electricity pulses in her veins and her heart flutters and Lisa is  
_so, so close_.

Hot breath tickles her face, then lips, ever so gentle, press against hers. All things cliché happen then; fireworks erupt behind eyelids, words collide and supernovas explode and so, so much more. 

_So worth the wait,_ Chaeyoung cheekily sing songs in her head. 

Lisa moves her mouth against hers softly, tenderly, as if Chaeyoung is made of glass and she’s afraid to break her. 

Chaeyoung can’t take how slow it’s going anymore, god knows she’s waited long enough. She slips an arm around the younger girl’s waist and pulls her impossibly close. It catches Lisa off-guard and Chaeyoung takes it as a chance to deepen the kiss.

Chaeyoung’s phone suddenly rings and Lisa jolts back as if snapped out of a daze. Chaeyoung silently curses and hastily reaches into her backpocket to turn off the stupid phone. But before she so much as moves, Lisa is already scrambling to her feet and blindly searching for her messenger bag.

Lisa mumbles something under her breath that sounds like a “I am sorry” and bolts out and down the stairs without sparing a second glance to the girl sprawled on the the ground.  
Chaeyoung is left confused and hurt, a lump quickly forming in her throat. She chastises herself for slipping, _god she’s so stupid_.

Lisa may have kissed her first but the younger most probably was just caught in the moment and the feeling of being high . And Chaeyoung is so stupid for wanting more and scaring her away. Tears pool in her eyes and she sniffles and blinks them back. Her lip trembles and she whimpers and she can't keep it in anymore. Fate must be a real bitch because full-throated laughter mere minutes ago has now turned into full-throated violent sobs shaking her whole body.

She kicks at the dust pile, she screams, she wills herself to let go. And it feels so good to finally acknowledge the pain and the heartache. After what feels like forever, she gets up, dusting off her pants. Her throat feels dry and her muscles tense. She feels a numb sort of pain and it's strangely comforting.

She looks around her and takes in the night air. _It was so easy, so easy and good things that come easy never last_ , she thinks bitterly.

 

 

When Jennie opens the door to Chaeyoung and notices right away her puffy eyes and runny make up, she just holds her and doesn't ask questions. Chaeyoung is grateful for her. 

 

 

Chaeyoung avoids Lisa like the plague. As she pretty much got the younger girl's schedule commited to memory, it's quite easy to avoid her. It works for all of three days before the universe plays a dirty trick and she bumps head first into none other than Lalisa Manoban.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been stuck revising for the SAT's but I got bored and was uwu over watching pictures of Lisa (the fansigning event in Thailand) ( and seriously why do I live on the other side of the world) so I wrote this quickly to distract my desperate ass lol. Lisa will be the death of me  
> I promise the next chapter (hopefully the last) will be out soon  
> leave me some love :)


	4. spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tis' the end folks

Chaeyoung silently curses and quickly bends down to gather the scattered papers to avoid eye contact. But Lisa apparently has the same idea because she too goes down as well and bumps her head against the older in the process.

Chaeyoung falls back on her rear with a gentle thud and rubs at her forehead where she's been hit. She looks up and finds large doe eyes looking back at her with slight worry. She takes the extended hand offered by the younger and stands up.

_So much for avoiding her_ , she thinks gloomily. 

"Oh god I am so sorry Chaeng, are you okay?", Lisa asks, voice laced with genuine concern. If she notices the way Chaeyoung flinches at the nickname, she doesn't show it. 

Chaeyoung retreats her hand back and waves her off. "It's all good." Lisa stares at her as if she doesn't believe her, so she adds a half-grimace for good measure. But Lisa still looks skeptical. She bends down again and gathers the papers with one swift motion, smoothes down the edges and holds them out to Chaeyoung. The latter takes them, mutters a "thanks". 

Before Lisa adds anything to say, Cheayoung turns on her heels and walks down the opppsite direction.

Lisa watches her leave. 

 

_11 missed calls._

"Rosie, you can't possibly ignore her forever. " 

"Yes I can. And I will", Chaeyoung says from where she's propped on Jennie's king-sized bed, leafing through a magazine. 

"You're such a baby. You need to grow some balls like I did with Jisoo. And look how it turned out." Jennie replies thoughtfully. "We're practically married now," she adds proudly.

Chaeyoung throws a pillow at her.

"It's different with you and Jisoo. Everyone knew she was whipped for you and you for her. You were just two big oblivious idiots."

Jennie scoffs, "are you blind? Do you not see the way Lisa looks at you?"

Chaeyoung's heart skips a beat at Jennie's words, a tinge of hope starting to bubble in the pit of her stomach. But then she remembers Lisa pushing her back, Lisa looking like she's seen a ghost, Lisa leaving her aching and hurting without looking back, and _it_ dies down.

She stays quiet for a long time until Jennie clears her throat. 

"Rosie, you know I love you right?"

Chaeyoung reluctantly nods, not knowing what Jennie is getting at.

"And I really genuinely can not stand seeing you hurt. But in order to move on, you need to get a closure. The least you can do is listen to what she has to say". 

She shakes her head in a determined manner: "I already made my intentions clear to her. The ball is in her court now. " 

Jennie smiles at her friend gravely, sadly. She scoots closer to Chaeyoung, puts her head on her shoulder and shuffles around until she finds a comfortable position.

 

Chaeyoung thinks she's fallen asleep until the latter shifts again.

"Did you though? Make your intentions clear, I mean. Did you ever stop to consider that she ran away because she was ashamed that she coerced you into cheating on your fake girlfriend?", she mumbles sleepily.

Chaeyoung's eyes widen and her heartbeats quicken. She completely forgot about that. She was so lost in the feelings of being hurt and left behind that she did not once stop and think rationally of why Lisa left so suddenly and so unexpectedly. 

 

She hastily tries to get to her feet to go make things right (whatever right means) when Jennie stops her with a hand on her thigh. 

"Not now. Later. God knows you need some time to think and get your shit together first." 

 

Chaeyoung sighs. Jennie _does_ have a point. She relaxes and settles back onto the headboard.

Right when she's about to doze off, she thinks she hears Jennie say _fucking oblivious idiot._

She drifts off with a grin on her face.

* * *

The moment she unlocks her door, balancing grocery bags in both hands, Lisa calls.

She sets them down on her kitchen counter and answers on the third ring.

"Hey", she breathes into the speaker.

"Hey, Chaeyoung. I- I am glad you picked up."

"Me too", the older sighs.

"So.. Listen, I am sorry I left like that the other day. Would you- would you like to meet up?". Chaeyoung can sense sadness in her tone but doesn't comment on it.

The older takes a second to answer. "Yeah, I'd like that".

She can almost physically feel Lisa perk up at her answer.

"Yeah?", her heart flutters at the smile she hears in her voice.

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll see you later. That place close to the pool. 7 o'clock."

"Sounds good."

Chaeyoung hangs up first and releases a breath she didn't realise she was holding. She leans on the counter and takes deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. _Lisa will be the death of her._

* * *

She convinces herself that this is not something more than just an "I am sorry let's go back to being friends", and doesn't dwell on the "what ifs". She doesn't think she can handle Lisa pushing her away again.

 

She dresses casually: a pair of jeans, an oversized sweatshirt, a scarf, and a raincoat in case it rains.

 

She steps outside and it's slightly chilly so she tightens her scarf around her neck. She gets in the car, turns on the radio for background noise to drown her thoughts and drives to the same café that she and Lisa went to 7 months ago.

 

The doorbell chimes. A familiar sweet aroma invades her senses that makes her remember first conversations and first confessions and first smiles and first laughs. Their first _everything_. And the dim lighting and the soft music coming from the speakers make her insides all fuzzy and warm. 

 

She finally spots Lisa sitting in a dark-lit corner scrolling through her phone.

When she gets to the small booth, Lisa looks up and smiles her signature Lisa smile that never fails to make Chaeyoung's heart skip a few beats.

She sits down and finds placed in front of her a double chocolate sundae. Her throat clogs up. She feels like crying. _Lisa is just so good to her and she hates her stupid feelings that risk ruining this and she hates, hates how she still longs and aches for more._

 

Lisa's grin turns into an expression of concern and Chaeyoung is quick to dismiss her worry. She flashes her a genuine smile of gratitude and the younger relaxes back into her seat.

 

"So..", Lisa begins.

"So.."

"I wanted to apologize about the other nigh-"

"Lisa", Chaeyoung cuts her off, "really, you don't have to, I get it."

"No Chaeyoung, you don't. You mean so much to me.."

"Honestly, Lisa, it's fine. We both got carried awa-"

"No that's the thing, I-" 

"Ladies, can I get you anything else?", a young waiter interrupts their conversation and Lisa visibly deflates. She locks her jaw then forces a smile on her face. "No, we're fine. Thank you." 

He hovers a little, and when Lisa finally tears her eyes away from Chaeyoung and looks at him, he blushes. He flashes her a smile too bright to be considered only friendly. Lisa doesn't seem to get that he wants to get her attention so she just keeps smiling at him excpectedly. 

He looks on the verge of saying something, but then decides against it and just shakes his head. He excuses himself and shuffles away awkwardly. 

Chaeyoung stifles a giggle and when Lisa looks at her questiongly, she just has to wonder if Lisa has always been this oblivious. The familiar pang of hope tingles and this time, just for a moment, she lets it spur inside of her until it bursts and overwhelms her whole being.

 

They easily fall into conversation. They talk about nothing and everything. Chaeyoung tells Lisa about her new music internship and Lisa tells her that she's so proud of her. The older's cheeks heat up but she's pretty sure Lisa misses it and she's so glad for the dim lighting. Lisa tells her about her new modeling gigs and Chaeyoung squeezes her hands but she too misses the way Lisa blushes. 

 

They get the check and Lisa is quick to pay and ignores Chaeyoung when the latter protests. The older feels like crying and laughing at the same time and she has to suppress the urge of wanting to scream because Lisa is treating this as a date and she has to painfully remind herself that _friends do this too._

 

When they're about to say goodbye, they stand awkwardly, and honestly, the two of them need to stop acting weird. Lisa finally decides on a hug. She leans forward and wraps her arms around the older. 

Chaeyoung closes her eyes and tries not to think about how warm Lisa feels and how sweet her perfume is. 

 

She's turning the key in the engine, already thinking about her warm sheets and the unfinished book on her bedside table, when someone knocks on the car window. She turns and it's Lisa smirking and gesturing for the older to roll the window down. 

"Care for a little swim?" 

_Chaeyoung hates how much control Lisa has over her._

* * *

"Ugh, Lisa you didn't tell me we were breaking in", Chaeyoung huffs as Lisa helps her jump over the railing. The younger quickly follows much more graceful than Chaeyoung. 

After the latter is on the ground safe and sound, Lisa dangles a set of keys in front of her eyes. She smirks. "We're not, I just like seeing you struggle." 

Chaeyoung pouts like a child. She playfully slaps Lisa's arm. "Asshole". 

Lisa just smiles and guides her towards the entrance of what seems like an indoor pool. Weird, Chaeyoung thinks, she never knew the place had an indoor pool besides the outdoor one open for the public during the hot summer days.

Lisa seems to have read her mind because she says casually as she unlocks the door: "it's private".

"So then how come you have the keys?". 

She shrugs. "Mrs Kim likes me." 

 

It's dark and humid inside. Lisa turns on a few lights including the ones in the bottom of the pool then discards her jacket on a stool nearby.

Lisa dips her fingers in the water to check if it's warm enough for them to not catch pneumonia and holds a thumbs up. In any case, there's still some steam radiating off the surface so Chaeyoung assumes that it's already been heated and used for the day.

 

Chaeyoung gets absorbed in staring at their distorted figures dancing on water, when she catches sight of Lisa bringing her shirt over her head. Her eyes widen and she freezes. 

"Hey, um, Rosie, help? Kinda stuck".

Chaeyoung doesn't know if she should curse or thank whatever gods there are out there. She takes a deep breath and turns around. 

The shirt is apparently stuck on Lisa's elbow, so she lowers herself a little and tries to carefully maneuver the sleeve without tearing it. After some pushing and some pulling, she frees the younger from the damned shirt and lets out a triumphant "Aha!".

 

The only problem is that she finds her eyes level with Lisa's tank top (she can see straps of a lace bra underneath and why on earth is Lisa wearing a lace bra?). Her body heats up and her eyes, ever the perpetrators, conspire against her and roam over the younger's chest without her permission. She can feel Lisa's eyes on her. She murmurs a quiet"sorry", voice gruff. 

She lowers her gaze, fumbles with her belt to avoid Lisa's penetrating gaze and starts to strip off her own clothes.

(Lisa leaves her tank top on. Chaeyoung is glad. She wouldn't be able to survive the night, otherwise.)

 

Chaeyoung's never been self-conscious about her body. Quite the contrary actually, she's always been rather proud of her toned stomach and defined arms. And Lisa's already seen her in a swimsuit a couple of times when they swam together. But this feels more intimate, more exposed, more vulnerable. And the look in Lisa’s eyes is different than all of the other times. She’s looking at Chaeyoung like she’s got supernovas trapped in her irises and the whole world in the palm of her hands. And it’s making her stomach do somersaults and feel things she shouldn't feel.

 

She can't take her heated gaze any longer so she just pushes her into the pool and jumps after her.

Lisa emerges from the water gasping, a look of faux-betrayal in her eyes. She splashes water in Chaeyoung’s face and it soon turns into a war-zone . They laugh and they toss each other around and they both feel so good and so light.

Lisa's Lessons prove to be effective as Chaeyoung swims with ease and finds herself effortlessly catching up to the younger when she challenges her to a short race.

After they get tired, they both swim to the ledge of the pool. 

“Thank you. I really needed this.” 

Lisa just smiles and nods in acknowledgment.

They stay quiet for a while, both staring ahead, lost in their own separate thoughts.

They both suddenly blurt out at the same time, breaking the silence.

“Jennie and I broke up.” 

“I like you.” 

“It’s not really a brea- wait what?”, she backtracks, not sure if she heard Lisa right.

“Wait what?” Lisa repeats, equally confused.

They both stare at each other, mouths hang open.

“You first.”

“You first.”

“We really need to stop saying things at the same time.”

Chaeyoung takes a deep breath. She closes her eyes, heartbeat thumping loudly in her ears: “Did you just say that you liked me?”.

Lisa stays silent. Chaeyoung opens her eyes. The younger is avoiding looking at her, toying with her fingers. 

“Um- kinda?”.

Chaeyoung feels like laughing out loud. She’s waiting for the _ploy_ , for Lisa to turn out to be the villain in their story and she the foolish victim, to laugh at her face, to tell her that she’s only kidding and tear her heart apart. But Lisa just keeps looking at her, fear and worry in her eyes, as if her whole beating heart lies in Chaeyoung’s hands and the older gets to decide whether to crash it or keep it safe.

Chaeyoung wonders if that’s how she’s always looked at Lisa.

Chaeyoung casts her eyes downwards, tears pooling in her chest-nut eyes. She shakes her eyes.

“Lalisa Manoban, you stupid fool”. 

Lisa is confused, and Chaeyoung lets out a half sob half laugh.

“I’ve liked you since the second I laid my eyes on you you damn bastard,” she’s fully crying now. “The whole thing with Jennie was just to get you to notice me because I was jealous when I saw you wit-”, she hiccups, “with that guy in Paris”.

She hears sniffling beside her, she turns and Lisa’s crying too. She’s crying and she’s smiling and then they they’re both giggling and there’s snot on their faces and they don’t care. 

After their laugh/sobs quiet down, Lisa reaches forward and wipes Chaeyoung’s eyes gently, lovingly, a smile adorning her face.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I could ask you the same thing”, the older retorts. 

Lisa shakes her head. “And all this time I thought..”

“Me too.”

“God, we’re idiots.”

“When you looked at me, I never knew if you wanted to kiss me or punch me,” Lisa adds chuckling.

Chaeyoung laughs and swats her arm playfully. 

Lisa scoots closer, drops a kiss on Chaeyoung’s shoulder and goosebumps erupt all over the latter’s skin.

“I couldn't stop thinking about that _kiss_ ,” Chaeyoung confesses in the quiet space between them.

Lisa doesn't answer for awhile, then suddenly pushes off the ledge and goes underwater. Chaeyoung holds her breath and follows after her.

She opens her eyes underwater and finds Lisa looking at her, her cheeks puffed from holding her breath.

The younger scoots closer, until she’s two inches away.

She leans in and covers her mouth with Chaeyoung’s. 

The kiss is gentle at first, then turns rough, and then they're soon out of breath and come out gasping for air, coughing a little having both swallowed water.

After they get their breathing under control, Lisa beams at her, a droplet dripping from her eyelashes.

“You take my breath away, park Chaeyoung. Literally.”

 

Chaeyoung can't help but laugh at her stupid pun. God, _she's in love with this idiot._ She launches herself at her and kisses her again and again.

* * *

Lisa drops by Chaeyoung’s apartment after classes the following night.

After watching a Disney movie and finishing the pizza they ordered, they lie next to each other on Chaeyoung’s carpet. 

They’re staring at the ceiling in the dark, Chaeyoung’s head on Lisa’s chest, her face illuminated by a light. The older traces her neck, her collarbone, her face, with the pad of her thumb, Lisa an open canvas and Chaeyoung the artist. She then focuses on her neck mole, she kisses it once, twice, thrice. Lisa’s neckmole’s always driven her crazy, has always put her on edge. She tries to ignore the heat pooling between her legs.

“Hey Chaeyoung?”

Chaeyoung hums. 

“I lied before.”

Chaeyoung straightens up a little. “What do you mean?”

“I don't just like you, I- I am completely in love with you.” 

Chaeyoung’s stomach flips. Blood rushes into her ears. She murmurs it back onto Lisa’s skin, and _her heart clenches just so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope yall are done with these extra dramatic hoes just as much as I am. 
> 
> I've legit written this whole thing on a shitty beaten up android phone, the screen is so small my eyes now hurt like a bitch lol
> 
> multi-fics suck ass, I guess I'll just stick to oneshots. Let me know if you want me to write some more Chaelisa or switch to Jenlisa. 
> 
> Also come yell at me, your comments genuinely mean the world to me.
> 
> I just wanted to say one more thing: LISA'S FREAKING NECK MOLE. 
> 
> that's it. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

**Author's Note:**

> I am writing this from my grave as I have died seeing Rosie's intagram video of Lisa running to her then hugging her.  
> On an unrelated note, God is a woman and her name is Lalisa Manoban.  
> (All mistakes are mine.)


End file.
